Remember that one time when I was — ah, alright. A site redesign was a really horrible idea to do. I’ve eaten crow. I’ve eaten an entire species of bird that hasn’t been discovered. MiddleEasy was perfect the way it was, and I had to mess it up. Ah well, let’s pretend this never happened — OK? The past couple days have been erased from your memory. It’s Friday, folks. Your week starts today.
Since Saturday night I’ve pulled consecutive all-nighters attempting to make the MiddleEasy site redesign work. Some interesting things happen when you’re severely sleep deprived. Notably, you begin to hallucinate. We’re not talking about purple elephants playing the accordion or something equally as trivial. Not at all. Actually, throughout this ridiculously wasteful process, I had three notable hallucinations that constantly reoccurred. The first hallucination happened at around the 46th hour of being awake. Now I’m not sure if this could be attributed to me internalizing my problems into some creepy visual manifestation, but at that time I absolutely knew that my wall was covered with bugs and every time I looked at them, they noticed my head move and scattered away. I tried chasing them but they would go in the corners of the wall and ceiling. When I would pick up an object from my kitchen, I saw these small black insects crawl into the counter. Of course, there was nothing actually there. It was all just my brain processing sleep deprivation in a very stupid and paranoid way.
The second hallucination I had was very analytical and if I could follow it in a more coherent state, it would be pretty interesting. Around the third morning of my face being planted in front of a computer monitor, when I closed my eyes I saw pyramids in the distance. In retrospect, I guess this was the way my brain was luring me into sleep. With my eyes closed, I could travel to these pyramids — which I did, of course. What else am I going to do at 4:13 am? As I approached these pyramids, I noticed that they appeared to be gold, but only because they were emitting a glowing signal into the sky. ‘Sky’ is actually pretty inferior word to describe what it was. More like emitting a glow into a black void in order to warrant a response. At that point, I realized these weren’t pyramids at all. At least not in the classical sense. These structures were nodes constructed to interfere with the natural flow of the internet. ‘My god‘ I thought, these pyramids are bots and spammers establishing their existence at central data points in order to redirect the flow of human consciousness. At the time, it was a massive epiphany. I guess you had to be there.
The third hallucination I had was not necessarily a visual one. It’s rather embarrassing, actually. At times when things seemed bleak with the (now failed) site re-design, I would just stop eating because I thought I was giving off an aura that was literally infecting everything I touched. In fact at the time of my sleep deprivation, I could visually notice it. It appeared to be like the inside of an avocado, only slightly neon. It also left residue on everything I touched. In order to restore the site to its original format, I drove to a 24-hour pharmacy and purchased latex gloves to complete the process. I still have them on now, actually. Granted I know they were part of some mass hallucination due to extreme sleep deprivation, but I just can’t bare to take them off until I absolutely know that everything on MiddleEasy has been restored to normal.
I know all of that is silly, but it actually happened — at least in my mind.
Anyway, enjoy MiddleEasy again. Welcome home.