Dateline inside the hardened walls of your local UFC Gym ™ nestled between a grocery store and your city’s 15th best dry cleaner, MMA’s next cross over star is silently honing her craft. In an exclusive tweet from UFC president Dana White “the cat may have been let out of the bag”. Only this time the can isn’t a “cat” but its international pop singer Lady Gaga and the “bag” is actually a UFC Gym ™ membership.
Long rumored and talked about among only MMA’s best journalists is the UFC’s fear of losing Ronda Rousey to Hollywood. Late at night Dana White wakes in a cold sweat with thoughts Rousey making another Fast and Furious or The Expendables sequel dancing in his head. While taking another scouting trip to a nearby UFC Gym™, White had a brilliant idea thanks to his “Dancing with Myself Pop Jams” playlist on his Spotify app.
A dual-threat, Lady Gaga can not only sing but she can also hit an immobile hanging heavy bag with no less than 50% accuracy on all her punches. Sure the process will be slow and Lady Gaga will probably book a fight before CM Punk is ready to make his debut, but the UFC brass his taking a long-view perspective with their “Project Born This Way” roll-out.
Sources say despite Lady Gaga’s vague interest in using MMA to improve her physical fitness, no previous fight experience, and the UFC unable to afford her services, Team Zuffa still plans to move forward with this bold prize fighting strategy.
Times are tough but the time is now for the UFC to start thinking about their plan G. If or when Ronda Rousey ever leaves for the bright lights of Hollywood, the UFC knows Lady Gaga will be ready to bulk up 20 to 25 pounds, start training her ground game, and carry the torch for a respectable women’s MMA promotion.