Now that death threats are involved, Ronda Rousey vs. Sarah Kaufman is definitely must-see TV

Ronda Rousey and I didn’t attend kindergarten together, but I can almost guarantee you she ripped the arms off all her Barbies. Jax from Mortal Kombat replaced his arms with cybernetic limbs only as a preventive measure for Ronda Rousey. Tank-top shirts exist because Ronda Rousey ripped the sleeves from them. Arm wrestling against Ronda Rousey always has the same result — and every diesel trucker from ‘Over the Top‘ knows this. Chinese finger traps cower in Ronda Rousey’s presence. For Ronda Rousey, unarmed combat has an entirely different meaning — and any dictionary that tries to decipher that meaning will go to the hospital. In traffic, Ronda Rousey destroys the shoulders of the highway. In art class, Ronda Rousey broke every elbow macaroni piece before gluing it on her collage.

All of those jokes are unfunny, but I need someone to laugh at them to boost my self esteem. Let that person be you. If not, I’ll choke you until you die. Alternatively you can read this quote from the Strikeforce pre-fight press conference (via MMAJunkie) of Ronda Rousey saying she won’t let go of a choke until Sarah Kaufman dies.

“If I get her in an armbar, I’m going to try to rip it off and throw it at her corner,” Rousey told “If I get her in a choke, I’m going to hold onto it until she’s actually dead. And if I get a knockout, I’m going to go all the way. I’m going to try to pound her face into the ground and she’s depending on the competence of the California (State) Athletic Commission to walk out of that cage alive.”

Oh, don’t think I forgot about killing you if you don’t laugh at those jokes. Laugh or die. Those are your only options. Choose one. Just kidding guys, you can not laugh and not die too. Well, eventually you’ll die — so in the end those jokes will get the last laugh.

Published on August 17, 2012 at 5:47 am
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