My old roommate used to wield two 40ozs of Mickey’s Malt Liquor like Rambo rocked dual uzis shortly before massacring an entire village of undeserving third-world drug dealers. Actually, my old roommate never really got around to doing the whole senseless murdering thing. He would just rip his shirt off and challenge people to a game of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out. He’s the only guy I know that has beaten the entire game without losing a round while simultaneously balancing a half-empty 40oz bottle in his left hand. That’s a talent that is highly respected our generation but is simply impossible to fully express on a work resume.
While we all like to live in a pretend digital universe in which we can defeat Mike Tyson by paying attention to which eye he blinks, at the age of 45 he could still brutalize every single person reading this article. Some people say that Tyson has made some bad choices — and I can guarantee you those same people have never said it to his face. In this Heyman Hustle video, the former heavyweight champion gives a little advice to Jon Bones Jones on how to rebound from a misstep like the DUI he received last week.