Now Fedor Emelianenko is teaching children how to be mini last emperors

No longer can I preface an article about Fedor Emelianenko with a ‘robot from the future’ reference coupled with some statement that links Fedor’s overhand right with some obscure section of quantum physics. Great, that makes my job a lot easier. Now I can stop going to the library to check out books about the Niels Bohr’s atomic theory. Just kidding, no one goes to libraries anymore. They’re about as antiquated as these ‘book’ things we’ve been hearing less about in 2012. Pretty soon society will forget how to turn pages and our index finger will eventually deteriorate, forcing humans to evolve into some freakish, four-fingered creature that relies on AC adapters, Wi-Fi and overpriced subscriptions to It doesn’t look good for us, and we all know who’s to blame. Damn you Apple, there would be an influx of finger pointing, but pretty soon we won’t have any.

Just let it go. Your index finger, of course. Train MMA instead of flipping pages. That’s what I’ll instil in my kids if I was stupid enough to have any. Hopefully Fedor will still be alive so he can give my non-existent kid a lesson on rearranging someone’s consciousness through the use of a well-placed overhand right, like he does in this Russian news clip.

Published on August 11, 2012 at 4:45 pm
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