My Name is Jensen Woods and Tonight, We Hunt the Ghost of UFC 177

My name is Jensen Woods and I, my friends, am a Ghost Hunter. No, it’s nothing like what you’ve seen on television. There is no van, there are no television cameras and very rarely will any woman look at me twice. Maybe it’s the profession that has grizzled me, or maybe they just aren’t fans of a mustachioed man such as myself. I’m not quite sure what has led me down this dark, lonely path, but I’ve dedicated my life to that of the deceased.

The world of the living is a cold, lonely place for ole’ Jensen, so instead of lamenting on how Esther’s life was snatched away from this corporeal world by Jakobson, drunk behind the wheel of an automobile, I deal with the ethereal. Tonight is an interesting case that I’ve been saddled with, it is not the case of a ghost, per say, but more of a ghola. Now, if you are asking about what a ghola is, I’ll do my damnedest to explain the concept to you, but even for ole’ Jensen here it is a bit of a stretch. I’ve seen some things in my day, but never an entity who was brought back to life through Tleilaxu technology like this; cells from the living placed into a tank, replicated, brought back, the same, but missing something.

I’ve been saddled tonight with the Ghost of UFC 177, which I believe to be existing by the way of this ghola of Tleilaxian make. I’m not sure what we’ll find tonight, but I’ve been told that UFC 177 was dead in the water, so somehow this UFC 177 that is happening should not be. It is an unnatural creation. Now, like I told you, I have my suspicions as to the true nature being a ghola, but there are things of a non-corporeal nature that must be ruled out before ole’ Jensen can truly asses and fix this problem.

Tonight, I fear, could be the end of humanity as a whole, if the Ghost of UFC 177 is allowed to run roughshod over the world, you fine folks pretending like everything is alright, like buying a ghola PPV and pretending won’t make your deepest fears come true, but that’s why MiddleEasy has hired Jenson Woods, the finest Ghost Hunter in all of the land.

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