Mighty Mouse Johnson dominates, goes home, plays Xbox One

The only way Mighty Mouse Johnson will ever be defeated is if he’s playing one of his 1,000 Xbox Ones that he has stacked from floor to ceiling in his mansion that he bought with that sweet Call of Duty money. He will never fall in this physical plane, only in a digital realm and in a virtual reality in which he loses his superlative control over his actions will he lose. And that’s not to sell him short, it’s just the reality of the situation. There is no human alive that weighs 125 pounds that can defeat Mighty Mouse Johnson

Before you wipe your hipster bangs from your eyes and say, “Wull, Ian…” I want you to think about THIS Mighty Mouse. A man who is dominating, finishing and destroying everyone put in his way over the last twelve months or so, and yet people are walking out during his main events.

Why has Fortuna farted on Mighty Mouse? Why can’t we care? Some say it’s because he’s “small.” I don’t buy that. It makes no sense. Mighty Mouse is the best champion since Jon Jones with sponsors that hit all the target demographics, he’s not a douche, and his mentor is Matt Hume, the Obi Wan of MMA. 

Sorry, I got off track there. That’s what social media does to you as the witching hour approaches and you’ve been mainlining the MMA universe for a solid six hours straight. Tonight, it felt good. It felt damn good. UFC 178 was EXACTLY what we needed. It wasn’t even a shot in the arm, it was a shot directly into the juiciest vein we could tie off, and now it’s time to go into a warm, happy coma.

Here’s what is the only kimura in UFC title fight history, via Reddit.

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