If I’m Ryu, I will defeat anyone in Street Fighter 2 — just ask Sean. You don’t need to know who Sean is. Just know that there’s a dude out there named Sean that will confirm that I will defeat anyone in Street Fighter 2. It’s nothing to be shamed about, really. I’m sure your Street Fighter 2 skills are exceptional. However, you must understand that my childhood consisted of passing an arcade every time I walked home from school. I didn’t even eat lunch at school just so that I can save my $2.50 to slay older kids at Street Fighter 2. At one point, my teacher thought my parents were poor and enlisted me in a free lunch program. In short, if you’re going to step to me in Street Fighter 2, you better be on performance enhancing drugs. Actually, let me correct that. You need to be on better performance enhancing drugs than me.
Get warm and cozy in front of your fireplace this Fall afternoon and let me set the mood for you. September 23rd 2012. Ivhan Bibiatov vs Mateusz Piechocki step in the cage at PLMMA5. Godzilla appears from thin air and starts jamming out to MGMT. Nah, even better. This three-second headkick KO takes place in Poland and fortunately for your eyes, there’s video of it.