When I lived in Tucson, Arizona we used to settle arguments by ripping off chunks of cacti and tossing them at each other. This was only done in college, of course, and under the influence of a plethora of adult substances. There’s never been a moment in human history in which launching parts of a cactus into another person has been a smart or reasonable idea. There’s just no data confirming the contrary. Go ahead, do the research yourself.
Your ability to wield boxing gloves and strike with a cactus should never foster the notion that you can actually body slam into a cactus without expecting to get Fedor’d by it. Case in point, this is what happens when you fail to heed my blatantly obvious warning and launch yourself into a cactus that was placed on Earth to devour your puny little flesh. Props to John M. Petit for the find.