Jake Shields slightly edges out Demian Maia at UFC Fight Night 29

It wasn’t the most attractive fight. If that fight was in the Miss World pageant, it wouldn’t have received any nods from the judges. On another note, there’s no reason why Miss Brazil shouldn’t win every pageant from now until the Sun kills the Earth.

Well, Jake Shields’ fight against Demian Maia just happened at UFC Fight Night 29 in Brazil, and he fought exactly like you thought he was going to fight. He effortlessly passed guard and transitioned about as easy as you just spilled your bottle of Corona over your carpet. It’s cool, if you pour some salt on it and wipe it up with a napkin, it should come out. That was in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Larry David is going to play the villain in the new Superman movie. Hell yes.

I’m not sure if that win was what Shields wanted in order to get the Brazilian fans on his side — but let’s face it, he could have knocked out Demian Maia with a flip kick and the crowd at UFC Fight Night 29 wouldn’t have even uttered a single shred of vocal recognition. Quite frankly I thought Shields won pretty convincingly and the split-decision was more for theatrics. There wasn’t a .gif produced from this fight, but just imagine two slippery salamanders having sex blindfolded — but with an incredible amount of foreplay.

Yeah, good luck getting that image out of your head. That’s there for the rest of you life. Congratulations.

Published on October 10, 2013 at 3:48 am
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