Whatever Mariusz Pudzianowski eats for breakfast, I’m sure it’s not found on the Grand Slam menu at Dennys. If Ubereem says he needs to eat 7-8 times a day to maintain his physique (with most of those meals consisting of horse meat), Mariusz’s trainer must sacrifice an oxen just to get the dude out of bed. I’m not even sure what an oxen looks like but I read that settlers in early America used to trade them for spare parts to repair their caravans (4th grade history class ftw). What the hell happened to those days? The days when you could walk into Best Buy with a couple of live chickens and walk-out with a refurbished Ipod. Those were the days man, I missed those hypothetical days…in some distant parallel universe that still uses live animals for currency. When I edited the footage from yesterday’s Moosin Press Conference, I almost lost this little gem of Mariusz speaking English and talking about how ‘normal’ the breakfast is.