I find it odd that in 2014 when humanity has developed an array of technology like Google Glasses, the iPhone, Satellite Radio — our best option available to us is to literally sew skin back together when someone has a cut. It’s an archaic medical practice that has been around for literally thousands of years, yet with the whirlwind of technology and medical science we drown ourselves in everyday, nothing tops a piece of string and a fine needle to repair two loose flaps of skin. There has to be another way — as a civilization we should aim for lasers to surgically mend the skin together. Actually, we should aim for lasers to do far more than just scan barcodes in supermarkets. Why not a laser butter knife? I think it’s about time we see some laser zippers in jeans instead of that ridiculous metal-hook contraption we’re used to. If you get too close to the crotch, then lessons will be learned — and remembered.
Stitches to laser zippers — I can’t believe you guys just read all of that. You better watch this UFC 170 vlog before I tell you my idea of how ice drakes are really just penguins from the future.