If at first you don’t succeed at legalizing MMA in New York, sue New York for violating the US constitution

I understand a few MiddleEasy readers out there may not hail from the United States, so let me give you a brief summary on what the UFC is trying to achieve told by a guy that just spilled Fruit Loops over his coffee table. For those international readers who’ve never heard of ‘Fruit Loops,’ it’s basically a sugar encrusted, artificial colored ring that will most likely give you cancer in fifteen years. See, choosing to consume something that will eventually rot out your teeth is part of our US constitutional right. In fact, it’s protected under the 13th amendment, which ‘abolishes slavery and involuntary servitude.’ That’s right, you can no longer be a slave to eating healthy. That’s why sugary cereal was invented.

The US constitution (by way of the Bill of Rights) also protects the freedom of religion, speech, and the press, as well as the right to assemble and petition the government — that’s the 1st amendment. Today, ZUFFA filed suit against New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman and Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr in a claim that the ban of MMA in New York is violating the first amendment.

Don’t worry, I can already hear a few of you questioning how exactly the prohibition of MMA in the Big Apple is violating the US constitution. I can hear these things because I’ve implanted miniature microphones in your televisions. Go ahead, check. Just a note, I’ve also implanted miniature videocameras in there too — so put on some clothes the next time you walk up to your TV.

It’s all about the wording of MMA, specifically the ‘arts‘ in mixed martial arts. ZUFFA is claiming that New York is preventing MMA fighters from artistically expressing their talent, which according to ZUFFA, is parallel to a painter being unable to construct a masterpiece on a canvas or a band not being allowed to perform at a nightclub. This marks the first time in American history that a professional athlete will claim their ability to communicate with an audience is protected under the first amendment.

Justin Klein from ‘The Fight Lawyer’ (who is also mentioned in the lawsuit) states the New York Attorney General, the defendant in the suit, voted in favor of legalizing MMA when he was in the New York senate. The actual lawsuit is well over 100 pages, so when it comes to this stuff, I suggest all of you follow The Fight Lawyer on Twitter and read his site later today for more details on the case. [Source]

Published on November 15, 2011 at 5:03 pm
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