Back in 2006 I owned a small site, and with a group of friends we spent one long weekend coming up with as many Chuck Norris statements as possible. To prevent myself from using any of these statements in a future article, I will apply all of them to Chael Sonnen to mark his suspension being lifted by the California State Athletic Commission.
[list class=”bullet-4″] [li] When Chael Sonnen plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.[/li] [li]Most people fear the Grim Reaper. Chael Sonnen considers him “a promising rookie”.[/li] [li]What many people don’t know is Chael Sonnen is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.[/li] [li]When in a bar, you can order a drink called a ‘Chael Sonnen’. It is also known as a ‘Bloody Mary’, if your name happens to be Mary.[/li] [li]Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chael Sonnen asks for a body bag.[/li] [li]There’s an order to the universe: Space, Time and Chael Sonnen. Just kidding, Chael Sonnen is first.[/li] [li]Chael Sonnen starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.[/li] [li]We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chael Sonnen.[/li] [li]Chael Sonnen’s testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.[/li] [li]The truth will set you free. Unless Chael Sonnen has you, in which case, you’re [expletive].[/li] [li]Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chael Sonnen.[/li] [li]Chael Sonnen is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.[/li] [li]Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chael Sonnen beats all 3 at the same time.[/li] [li]Jesus can walk on water, but Chael Sonnen can walk on Jesus.[/li] [/list]
That’s not quite all of the Chuck Norris jokes we created, but those are the ones that suck the least. We were never paid for any of those, so they’ve just been sitting on a spare hard drive for nearly five years.
Mike Chiappetta from MMAFighting broke the news that as of today, Chael Sonne has completed his six-month suspension (and paid a $2,500 fine) from the California State Athletic Commission and is now free to compete in whatever event the UFC has planned — that is just after Joe Silva faxes the contract to fight Michael Bisping. You know it’s going to happen folks. [Source]