Super Chat Pro, it’s quickly becoming one of the greatest digital wrestling promotions in the world. The cards are always action packed (And frequently blood filled) extravaganzas, with multiple world titles on the line every single event.
Super Chat Pro has an extremely solid tag team division, and the next contest features two clashing viewpoints. Aladdin Bell and America Wright, proud members of the Democratic Socialists of America face off against peddlers of capitalism and fashion, Men’s Warehouse manager Spencer Morgan, and disgraced Cuban Muay Thai champ, Raoul Hernandez, known collectively as Team SUITS.
Bradford Culpepper, part-time school lunchroom associate, full-time ass-kicker, is capable of dominating just about any man in Super Chat Pro. He can throw his opponents around the ring just as easy as he tosses out sloppy joes and chicken tendies to hungry kids. Facing him across the ring will be a man barely larger than the average Iowan 8th grader, Kelly Kelley. Kelly has faced Culpepper under numerous rule sets, not only losing each and every time, but getting severely dominated in each encounter. Now, these two men face off in a heinous Landmine Death Match, a contest so dangerous that even the perpetually concussed Kelley won’t be able to forget.
For a promotion to classify something other than a Landmine Death Match as “Gruesome Fighting”, that kind of contest must truly be horrific. Presenting itself as a close cousin of mixed martial arts, Gruesome Fighting has more in common with a back alley brawl, as contestants are frequently spiked directly on their heads, and most bouts end via a devastating elbow to the spine, usually the base of an opponent’s neck, rendering them prone and unmoving on the canvas. Gruesome Fighting champ and angry young man from Dagestan, Magomed Ashmonov faces Wigwamm Watanabe, a man so loathsome, the production crew has dubbed him a piece of shit on his entrance chyron.
Most central to any Super Chat Pro event is the Dot TV title, one of the few championships represented by an actual belt. Bouts have a strict 15-minute time limit, so most successful defenses of the Dot TV title have come as the result of time limit draws, however that doesn’t take away from the intense fighting that goes on in those 900 seconds. Current champion, black metal enthusiast, suspected arsonist, and reluctant steel drum band member Nightsbane KVLT defends the Dot TV title against Lil Jonesy, a man so small, he could fit in someone’s front shirt pocket.
In the exact opposite realm, the hardcore tag team championship is embodied by a simple framed 8×10 picture of garbage wrestling tag team, The Public Enemy. The photograph, currently held by Until Robert and Both Ferrari, known by most as the LOST Boys, will be defending the integrity, dignity, and honor of that picture in a barb-wire rope, exploding ring deathmatch against High Seas, a team comprised of Algorithm Schneider and Captain White.
Tag teams continue to be the theme of the evening, as Philly Davis, the pairing of longtime kickboxing rivals, Philly Supreme and Discussion Davis, have reached the pinnacle of desperation. Despite both men having tremendous success in Super Chat Fight League, the kickboxing “mother” organization of Super Chat Pro, and Discussion actually being a former wrestling world heavyweight champion, as a pairing, Philly Davis have lost an inordinate amount of times, compared to their individual prowess. In a last ditch effort to get their shit together, Philly Davis will face off against perhaps the worst tandem in the world, Xylophonist Bianchi and Let Liu, known otherwise as The Fixers. Used by Super Chat Pro head honcho Bike Bianchi to clean the ring, set up hardcore match paraphernalia, and sometimes “take care of problems”, The Fixers have actually done well against individual opponents, as is to be expected in most handicap matches. If Philly Davis can’t dispatch these two hapless foes, the writing may be on the wall that they will be going their separate ways.
Once again, the focus is tag teams, in a manner of speaking. Several shows ago, the unlikely pairing of Gene Greene, a steroid-abusing, violent soccer dad, paired with DUBOIS, a heavy-handed Frenchman in tag team action. The pair won, and it was announced they would be entered into a number one contender match the following week. However, on that night, Gene Greene walked out with Garden Greene (No relation, that we’re aware of, at least). This pairing also won their match, but it turned out that Bike Bianchi had misread his notecards and sent out two men named Greene as a team. Now, Gene, Garden, and DUBOIS are having a hopefully friendly triple threat match, with the winner of the contest not being as important as who actually gets beaten. Whoever takes the fall will lose the shared number one contender status, with the winner and the man not involved in the finish going on to challenge for the tag team titles down the line.
The Sons of Anger and the Supreme Family Gym and Buick Dealership have never seen eye to eye. SoA head spiritualist, Rastaban Baptiste, has instilled in his students a love for 311, an affinity for healing crystals, and an appreciation for fuel efficient transportation. The Supreme Family, is all about Buicks and Bon Jovi (Probably, they’re from Philadelphia, after all). Two weeks ago, the Sons of Anger challenged the Supreme Family for the trios title, but came up short. Last week, the six men faced off in three singles matches, with the Supreme Family winning two bouts (Technically three, as team captains Ratt Middle and Gyro Supreme had a best two out of three falls match that Gyro won in a clean sweep). Now, Gorvis Rogers, the only Son of Anger to win last week, and Ratt Middle, who defeated Gyro Supreme for the kickboxing world title, face off against CHEESEST, formerly Cheesesteak Supreme, the man Gorvis defeated, and his extremely close associate, Sanders Suzuki.
In the main event, potential Russian operative and one half of the tag team champions, Piotr Petrov, faces off against the mysterious and enigmatic Masked Cyclist. Appearing shortly after Bike Bianchi was forcibly de-mustached at the hands of the vile world champ, Ichabod Adams, the Masked Cyclist has silently demanded vengeance against the entire Alt-Right Connection. He failed in his first bout against Federal Bell last week, but the Masked Cyclist is persistent.
Super Chat Pro, airing live at 1:30 AM ET on January 28th, always brings the action, excitement, brutal violence, and on occasion, utter ridiculousness. Tune in to twitch.tv/scflpro for some of the best online pro wrestling in the multi-verse.
Scramble Championship: Immediately Ito(C) vs Dougie Middle vs Hans Schmidt vs Eosoninphil Rossi vs Gordon Garabaldi vs Fat Jonesy vs. October Schmidt vs Fun Adams
Team SUITS (Roul/Spencer) vs. Team DSA (Aladdin Bell/America Wright)
Freddy Fischer vs. Brick Roberts
Landmine Deathmatch: Kelly Kelley vs. Culpepper
Gruesome Championship: Magomed(C) vs. Wigwamm Watanabe
Blowhole Bernard/Justice Turner vs. Miles Manhoef/Jacques Jean-Jacques
Dot TV Title Nightsbane KVLT(C) vs Lil Jonesy
Hardcore Tag Championship Exploding Deathmatch: High Seas vs. Lost Boys(C)
Philly Davis vs. The Fixers
Tag Team Survival: Gene Greene vs Garden Greene vs DUBOIS
Ratt/Gorvis vs. Cheesest/Sanders
Masked Cyclist vs. Piotr Petrov