I rarely leave my apartment in Hollywood in fear that something out there will alter my life in a negative way. Last night I stayed up in fear that I would sleepwalk and accidentally venture out of my front door. It’s too dangerous out there in the wilderness of the real world. There are these things called ‘cars’ that you have to watch out for. Sometimes they run over people, sometimes they don’t. However, ‘sometimes’ is an infinitely larger probability than ‘never,’ so I can’t risk it. Confined in my bubble of fabricated security, I can control every variable within my apartment without the need to do any real social interaction. It’s great. You should try it more often. Being a hermit can also greatly reduce the chance of Dan Henderson fracturing your entire skull. We’re not talking about a concussion here. A literal fissure opening up within the plate of bones that protect your brain due to a person hitting you really hard on the head. See folks, that’s why I don’t go outside. On my list of ‘The Worst Things That Can Happen To Me,’ having my skull punched in so hard that it fractures is just under ‘Being a pre-teen boy trapped in a locker room with Jerry Sandusky.’ What, too soon? If so, what is the expiration date one can reference an alleged child molester? There’s not really a written rule on that, but I’m going to go with two weeks since that’s the exact length it takes me to pay attention to non-MMA related sports news.
Let’s be clear on this, not even Galactus has heavier hands than Dan Henderson. So when Hendo says he will place Machida on the mat at some point in UFC 158 in this MMAInterviews video, we hope Lyoto has great jiu-jitsu off his back.