UFC’s DaMarques Johnson came up with the idea of making the official MiddleEasy UFC 121 picks based on fights in the animal kingdom and it’s such a remarkable idea that this article really doesn’t even need an introduction. Enjoy.
The rest of this article is written by DaMarques Johnson and Cat Von C.
With all the seriousness going on around cyberspace where keyboard warriors take shots at people who do what they aren’t able to do, and argue trivial things like fight picks, pound for pound lists, and stylistic match ups; You would think that we are damn cardiologists discussing the newest technology in aortic valve surgery. We all have a fifty percent chance of getting it right, anyway brainwaves. Its a true or false test so really, even the dumb kids can pass without studying. Some websites and their staff need to take a Xanax and chase it with some vodka and Redbull, or spark up some sticky while enjoying their latest Kenny G album and just enjoy it. This shit is supposed to be fun remember, guys? Peace love and nappiness-DZilla
Brock Lesnar vs Cain Velasquez (Violent, monstrous grizzlies going at it)
In the epic conclusion of a month of MMA that’s being referred to as ‘Brocktober’ we will see the climax to the seemingly never ending foreplay getting us all lubed up and ready for Brock Lesnar vs Cain Valasquez. We will learn who is more fit to don the crown of UFC Heavyweight Champ. Both of these guys’ wrestling credentials are their strong suit. I see this fight like two giant menacing grizzly bears going just like this video. Though Cain’s stand up is better, I say whoever gets on top and shits themselves first wins.
Martin Kampmann vs Jake Shields (Gorillas in the Mist)
Both are similarly matched gorillas going at it. Although, I’m affording an edge in the stand up to Kampmann. However, the wrestling goes to Shields whose chin has been tested by the likes of Robbie Lawler and Dan Henderson who both hit like 6th graders I’m sure (Simmer down there all you doctorates of MMA, I assure you-this is a joke. I’ve been beat on by both of them.). I see a cat and mouse game of control, then scrambles-but ultimately nothing REALLY happening. So Shields via Decision (*Cat’s note: Look close-that one gorilla really looks just like Shields, doesn’t he?)
Paulo Thaigo vs Diego Sanchez (Lynx vs Bobcat)
I will give the size weight and reach to Paulo, But Diego is a little meaner and also, a whole lot crazier. He’s a cardio machine, has a durable chin and oh yea that special crazy. I am taking the smaller Bobcat Diego, with a finish that leaves him dominant with crazy bobcat aggression mixed with lynx blood all over the UFC canvas.
Tito Ortiz vs Matt Hamill (Polar Bear vs Walrus)
This match up is probably about as exciting as old people bumping uglies and probably just as messy. Hamill has the a decided edge in youth, health, and oh yeah-LEGIT wrestling. However, Tito’s persona, head and elbows are legitimately all about the size of a two ton walrus (just ask Ken Shamrock) but he has usually lacked the scramble and jiu-jitsu application to force the issue off his back. The polar bear Hamill will eventually get him on his back, and effectively pull Tito the walrus out of ocean and kill him with blunt force trauma to the head.
Brandon Schuab vs Gabriel Gongzaga (Tiger vs Wild Boar)
Gongzaga vs Schaub…hmmm, I think it pretty much goes how this video goes. Larenzo has released the hybrid Tiger (Schaub) into the UFC heavyweight class against the unsuspecting wild boar of a man Gabriel Gonzaga. Though the boar is very game, aggressive and rested it doesn’t end well for him. The great thing is, its not the ending you expect. I think there will be a bit of a twist, I can feel it. Just as the scrap is getting good a sudden end to a very game fight. Schaub by some random act of hardcore awesomeness!
Patrick Cote vs Tom Lawlor (Monkey vs Tiger)
We all think we know who is going to win in a monkey vs tiger fight, just like the Cote vs Lawlor fight, right? I mean really everyone loves to watch a crazy monkey swing around and be funny-but you never expect that comedic little monkey to have a chance against a tiger. Maybe just maybe though, if that monkey stays elusive enough and can avoid getting swiped by the tiger he can actually wear out the tiger and annoy him enough to win the fight. Going out on a limb with this one (wow, extremely lame pun right there) and picking funny guy tom Lawlor because I really want to see one of his entrances eventually make it on TV.
Court McGee vs Ryan Jensen
Look at a groundhog and you won’t think it will have too much of a fight game-short stubby arms and legs equal zero reach or power for throwing blows and not much room to go for any triangle style submissions. these two groundhogs go at it though! They seem to be pretty good in the clinch and the one even looks like he is attempting a d’arce choke. The McGee/Jensen fight is going to go just like this groundhog battle-some stand up and then McGee is going to get Jensen on the ground and go for the submission win, sit back and watch Jensen run back out of the UFC one more time.