Chael Sonnen approaches the English language as if every word stole his grade-school lunch and the only way he can exert revenge is to combine the most whimsical expressions and aim it directly at one person, usually Anderson Silva. Sure his real-estate license may be suspended, and he can’t return to MMA until later this year, but Chael Sonnen is still laying the verbal smack down in Anderson Silva’s general direction, and in a recent interview, he even says he’s 5-1 against The Spider.
“Here’s a little something for you “pocket protector/number cruncher” types: I hit Anderson Silva with more unanswered, undefended strikes than any fighter has landed on an opponent in the history of combat sports. Go count ’em up, Poindexters.
I struck him more times than Quasimodo struck the church bell at Notre Dame. I hit him so many times that I stopped fighting because my fists bouncing off his melon were ringing so loudly that it sounded like a bell, and I thought that the round, and the fight, were over. Actually, that’s not true–I actually stopped out of mercy and boredom.
God knows, if he hit me with a TENTH of the undefended shots I hit him with, the ref would have pulled him off me faster than a meth-head pulls the foil off a dozen shoplifted Dristan tablets. I hit him enough to have the fight stopped FIVE TIMES, in FIVE separate rounds.
Therefore, I consider myself 5-1 against him, even allowing for his tainted triangle which only came after I thought the fight was over, and I had already turned the side of his head into a bowl of porridge with my fists.”
Props to Chael Sonnen for using the phrase ‘bowl of porridge’ as a derogatory term towards another person. It’s perhaps the first time in MMA in which a food that was widely popularized in nursery rhymes has made it in the same paragraph as ‘tainted triangle’. On a side note, bowls of porridge are the modern-day tacos. That sentence makes more sense if you factor Goldilocks in the equation. [Source]