I’m sure you’ve probably stayed up late at night in order to figure out what type of name ‘Chael Sonnen’ is. His mother chose his first name because it was the last five letters of the name ‘Michael’. As far his last name, Sonnen’s are heavily distributed throughout Texas and Pennsylvania. The last name originated from Germany and is applied as a term of endearment for a loved one, or a habitational name for someone living at a house distinguished by the sign of a sun. In 1984, a ‘Sonnen’ lived to be 95. Now in 2012, another Sonnen has released a guide to self enlightenment — and it will only cost $16.47 on Amazon. The Voice of Reason: A V.I.P. Pass to Enlightenment will be published May 15th 2012; check out the description written by none other than the UFC pseudo-middleweight champion himself.
Presence. Tenacity. Insight. Omniscience. No need to look these words up. They are defined by yours truly. Who am I? I’m the one who needs no introduction, the walking thesaurus, the UFC’s most infamous and feared destroyer of men. I am Chael P. Sonnen, and you want to be just like me.
It’s your lucky day. What you are holding in your hands is nothing short of a V.I.P pass to enlightenment. In the coming pages my humor and tales of heroic adventure will baptize you in superhuman greatness. Allow me to carry you like a frail damsel as I make a nightmarish decent into the bowels of Sao Paulo. Sit before me as a student as I teach you about my plans of creating a Chaelocracy, which translates to “A Better Earth.” Shower me with praise as I take you into my manly mitts like a lump of seemingly worthless clay and craft you into something far better than yourself—me.
Like all great men of myth and legend, I strive for the betterment of the human race. Prometheus brought us fire; Dana White brought us the modern day gladiator; and I bring you a step-by-step guide to being just like me. Do you have what it takes? Is there truly a chance that one day you will be able to walk in my shoes? Purchase this book and find out. There is no better day to stop being you and start trying to be me.
You’re welcome civilization.
Check out the cover for the soon-to-be legendary book below. Feel free to get your preorders in for 320 pages of epicness.