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Cat’s Totally Unscientific and Absolutely Lustfully Biased UFC 112 Picks

Cat’s Totally Unscientific and Absolutely Lustfully Biased UFC 112 Picks

When I first started to make my picks for UFC 112, I was not happy people. I didn’t care if UFC weigh-ins would have been broadcast live on UFC.com at 4am I would have gotten up to watch them. Not being able to see weigh-ins at an event that Damarques Johnson is fighting in is like telling someone they are adopted or you ran over their puppy…or you are taking away their birthday. Downright despicable if you ask me. Well thanks to the MMA gods although, I didn’t get to see them live, I finally got to see them. SO here we go, let’s get to it…

Madsen vs. Al Turk
Who? Seriously let’s just move right along to the Johnson fight. I can’t even attempt to concentrate until then.
My pick: Damarques Johnson

Paul Kelly vs. Matt Veach
Paul Kelly? Matt Veach? Oh Dios Mio, who are they again? I am lost in visions of Johnson covered in whipped cream and chocolate pudding…
My pick: Damarques Johnson

Damarques Johnson vs. Brad Blackburn
Wow, Johnson just walked out and stripped down to some hot yellow teeny tiny shorts. I don’t even really have to tell you who is winning this fight if you’ve been paying any attention at all so far…but I will anyway. Tracy Lee says Brad Blackburn is afraid of camels…well I hope he’s afraid of Damarques’ arsenal of chokes as well. He sure doesn’t want to end up in that triangle, well I can’t claim the same. I would lurve to be in that triangle. Matter of fact, please practice that triangle on me all day.
My pick: Damarques Johnson

Nick Oh-Ship-Shack vs. Rick Story
This is easy, Damarques beat Nick on TUF 9. So of course he wins again. Of course.
My Pick: Damarques Johnson

Paul Taylor vs. John Gunderson
Wow, two exciting fighters that like to bang it out with the fierceness. But, my vision has been clouded by visions of Johnson submitting Blackburn. Oh well, guess that means Damarques wins again. you didn’t see that coming now did you?
My pick: Damarques Johnson

Alexander Gustaffson vs. Phil Davis
Phil Mr. Wonderful Davis…oh wow. Hey you know what would really be wonderful? Being back n the locker room right about at this point because Damarques is likely naked and getting into the shower. Wow, I’m feeling hotter than Abu Dhabi over here now.
My pick: Damarques Johnson

Kendall Grove vs. Mark Munoz
I like Grove and Munoz…Munoz just keeps getting better and better. Under normal circumstances I would say Munoz is taking this one…but these are not normal circumstances. There is just not room for another winner when Damarques Johnson is fighting. Sorry, Munoz
My pick: Damarques Johnson

Terry Etim vs. Rapheal Dos Anos
I missed this weigh-in because I was rewinding back to Damarques’ yellow shorts. I think yellow is my new favorite color.
My Pick: Damarques Johnson

Nick Oh-Ship-Shack vs. Rick Story
This is easy, Damarques beat Nick on TUF 9. OF course he wins again. Of course.

 

Matt Hughes vs. Renzo Gracie
Renzo Gracie reads MiddleEasy.com. That’s pretty rad but, Damarques Johnson not only reads Middleeasy…he rocks the MiddleEasy shirt. Frankly now that I say that, all I can do is picture him naked holding the middleeasy sign up in front of his junk. Sorry Renzo, I would have been able to pick you if that vision didn’t enter my brain.
My Pick: Damarques Johnson

BJ Penn vs. Frankie Edgar

If you’ve been reading my stuff on this site, then you should probably know by now that I’ve deemed Damarques Johnson the lust of my life. so that being said, everyone knows what’s going to happen here…it’s no secret and we can all just stop waiting around for the inevitable to happen. I’ll just say it…

My Pick: Damarques Johnson

Demain Maia vs. Anderson Silva
At this point, I’m pretty sure most of you have stopped reading this and went on to go do something more entertaining like clean a fish tank or learn how to make origami swans. Well, you have fun with that. I see Damarques and his yellow shorts in a giant pool of pink jello showing me the north-south position. That’s entirely too distracting for me to even think about an Anderson Silva win. Sorry champ, when you share a fight card with our dude, Damarques Johnson, it’s just a reality you’re going to have to accept.
My Pick: Damarques Johnson
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Alright Renzo, you win the award for freshest UFC 112 walk-out shirt
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