Brock Lesnar pleads guilty to using a bullet to kill deer instead of his fists

How many of you understand the concept of hunting animals to eat? Culture has pampered us into believing there’s some factory in Iowa that magically produces individually packaged bologna slices from thin air. It’s easy to forget that back in the day, you would need to stealthy walk in the forest in search of boar, locate one and then use whatever incredible bow-and-arrow skills you received from endlessly training when you were a kid to have one shot at providing food for your tribe. Once it’s injured, you would have to look at that animal in relatively the same orbital sockets that reside in your skull and explain to the creature that you need to remove the life-force from its body in order to use its corpse to bring health and well-being to your tribe.

Once the animal is dead, you then need to grab a knife and shove it into its stomach and remove the intestines to prevent them from contaminating the flesh. Next you have to remove the same thick fur that kept this once-alive animal warm, exposing its naked body to the elements for the very first time. Some people would keep the warm heart and eat it on the spot as a sign of respect to the creature. However, let’s face it. You just killed an animal, ripped it open and ate its heart. That’s animal kingdom domination, not respect. That’s some deep [expletive].

Don’t even act like you understand what that’s truly like. You may have hunted in the past, but your life has never been dependent on killing solely for food. That is, unless your name is Les Stroud, the greatest Canadian that has ever lived.

This afternoon, Brock Lesnar pled guilty to an Alberta charge of ‘improper tagging of an animal’ during a hunting trip last year. Lesnar was also charged with leaving meat to rot and illegal possession of wildlife, but those were dismissed. Brock was still hit with a $1,725 fine and was given six-months hunting probation, which essentially means he will have to go to Trader Joe’s like the rest of us to get his food. Just hours ago, Brock Lesnar released a statement regarding his recent charge.

“In Alberta, Americans can’t hunt without a licensed outfitter. The outfitter is there to make sure you follow the rules. I had two deer tags for the trip, which meant I could legally shoot two deer. On the first day of the trip, I shot a mule deer. On the second day, I shot a white tail. Video from the hunt has been on the Internet for over a year. After I shot the mule deer, I failed to immediately tag it. As far as I was involved, that’s all there is to it.”

“Now it’s resolved. I paid my fine today. It’s the kind of thing that happens to hunters all the time. I want to thank the Canadian authorities for their cooperation in resolving this misunderstanding. I love Canada and I can’t wait to go back to Alberta for a hunt.”

That’s right, Brock Lesnar loves Canada, but he hates Canadian healthcare. He’s like the opposite of my aunt that lives in Detroit.

Published on December 20, 2011 at 11:49 pm
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