Last night, as I watched the greatest Lightweight to ever fight in an eight sided circle (Octagon™) be beaten by the Jersey Shore’s answer to Frodo Baggins I had a stunning realization. God doesn’t exist, cause if he did, this wouldn’t be happening. After drinking many beers on a dock in Lake Sebago, Maine, I started to receive visions of what the world of MMA could have, and should have, been.
The things I saw were beautiful displays of violence from the toughest men to ever walk the planet. Fedor Emelianenko dropped Fabricio Werdum with an expertly placed uppercut and Werdum was lifeless on the canvas. Anderson Silva stopped Chris Weidman with the most vicious leg kick ever thrown by a human being. Chuck Liddell and Rampage Jackson fought to a draw after 5 rounds of amazing back and forth action. Nick Diaz submitted Georges St. Pierre with a slick gogoplata that had Joe Rogan crying tears of joy. I could go on and on about the things I saw, but my words would never do them justice.
After hours of contemplating what I had seen there was only one logical conclusion I could draw; God doesn’t exist.
Sure, the universe is a complex system that mankind will likely never fully understand, but if there is a God, then how could he let a man like BJ Penn go down in such depressing fashion. What could we possibly learn from this situation that we hadn’t already learned countless times before? How many times could an all powerful creator try to teach us the same lesson before moving on and ridding the world of the AIDS virus. It just doesn’t make sense.
I don’t think anything will ever be as clear as what I saw last night. MMA is an unforgiving mother****er of a sport and no omnipotent being would ever let a dude like BJ Penn receive the unnecessary beating he received last night.
I’m sorry if I burst your bubble, but I really feel like the world needs to know this. Hopefully we can move forward without all this silly religious stuff and get back to what really matters to humanity. Making a Salsa Verde Doritos Locos Taco ™.