Beach MMA: Three Years of Spring Break Fights at South Padre Island Prove College Kids Are Getting Worse at Fighting

It’s seems like a Spring Break tradition for South Padre Island, a tiny key on the Gulf Coast of Texas right by the Mexican border. Every year, college kids descend on the town to get blackout drunk and do reckless shit. But South Padre Island is especially famous for massive brawls spontaneously erupting amid the good times on the beach. And thank God someone uploads the proof onto YouTube.

This year is no different, with a fresh mass beach fight being uploaded just this week.

But this year’s entry into the YouTube catalog left me… wanting. Watch the video below, and see if you feel as disappointed in these kid’s technique as I was.


See what I mean? I know they are fighting on sand (notoriously difficult) and are drunk as fuck, but still, the level of technique in this 2018 crop is garbage. Straight punches guys! Let’s cause some serious damage out there.

But the future of drunken flash mob fights didn’t always look so bleak. Only just last year, the beaches of Texas seemed so much more evolved in the violence they delivered.


If you continue diffing deeper into the history of South Padre Spring Break fights, you realize that this degradation in skill and ferocity is real. Compare the last two videos to the chaotic brutality of 2016. What this year gave up in finesse and patience, it made up for and more with aimless fury and aggression.

Extra points to the psychopath screaming, “Fuck the Feds! Fuck the Pigs!” once the mounted cops arrived.


Presented with this evidence, we can only conclude that college kids as a whole are getting worse at beating the fuck out of each other.

Is this the sign of a new age of enlightenment and non-violence bound to sweep through humanity? That before we take to the stars and populate the universe, we are putting aside our primal need for violence? Nah, I think it just means doctors are prescribing much stronger prescription pills to kids. Harder to really swing on a random enemy when you’ve been taking Oxycontin.

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