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Baller Alert: Junior dos Santos has signed a deal with Nike

Baller Alert: Junior dos Santos has signed a deal with Nike

Regardless of the amount of pain you would feel if you stick your head in a particle accelerator while it’s on, a direct punch from Junior dos Santos hurts infinitely more. Actually, sticking your head in a particle accelerator doesn’t hurt at all. Russian physicist Anatoli Bugorski accidentally did it and while the skin below his nostril and the back of his head liquified over a couple days, he didn’t die and lived a relatively normal life. I guess the real question would you rather stick your head in a particle accelerator, or take a flush punch from Junior dos Santos? You must choose before reading the next paragraph. There is no other option.

Particle accelerator? Yeah, same here.

Brazil’s SporTV broke the news that Junior dos Santos has signed a deal with Nike Brasil, making him a member of an exclusive group of athletes that are genetically superior to you. The truth is, you will never sign a Nike deal even if you live to be 1,500 years and dip your hands in every sport in modern history. If you want to experience the rush of being backed by the greatest sports company on earth, you will need to live vicariously through Junior dos Santos, Anderson Silva, or Jon Jones. Sorry to crush all of those befuddled dreams.

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