Whatever you’re thinking about at this exact moment, Aleksander Emelianenko has already done — and he did it with his bear hands. No, not bare hands. Bear hands that he obtained after a Grizzly lost an unfortunate bet. Aleksander Emelianenko speaks to mother nature, but only to tell her to shut up when he’s trying to sleep at night. Any other outcome would involve another set of bear hands to put next to his first set of bear hands that he occasionally uses to slap over-eager wildebeests.
The Dos Equis guy is not the most interesting man in the world. He’s never fought a bull on a game show and lost two teeth in the process. That Dos Equis dude never had a neo-Nazi break out of a mental institution and then be systematically hunted in Eastern Europe. Aleksander is an international man of mystery, and this month he will be facing Bob Sapp in a Russian MMA promotion that looks like it has a lot of backwards letters and swigily lines. Check out his official promo for the fight, which includes futuristic transformers and sand monsters.