The vegan black metal chef is back and he’s juicing!

I’m sure like many of you have found yourself lost, wandering around aimlessly with the recent news that Naked Juice has GMO’s in their product. That was probably the only healthy thing that I put inside of my body. Now? Now I’ve lost that, I just don’t know what to do with myself. I figured drinking that will counteract the massive amount of dead animals I put into my body daily. For the most part, if something doesn’t bleed, I’m not going to eat it and while that does make me extremely happy, I also realize that I’m going to be belly up in a few years, or more likely a few months. At least I can get some cash out of this whole fiasco with the lawsuit that has been filed against Naked Juice.

The only feasible option I see for myself now is to get some corpse paint, buy a juicer, some things to juice and live my life as a black metal juicer, such as The Vegan Black Metal Chef. I firmly believe that even though I only eat things that bleed, that him and myself would get along. He could make me some lovely berry inspired juice, then we’d sit in our thrones while sipping out juice with Dark Funeral blaring in the background. Yeah, I think I’ll be just fine.

Published on August 30, 2013 at 6:03 pm
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