Spider-Man exists and he lives in Russia

I don’t know why we would ever think that superheroes would have their origins primarily in the US. How could an American ever come into contact with the radioactive goo required to give him his superpowers? Do you know how stringent the rules on nuclear facilities and nuclear waste are in the US? They’re very stringent. Despite what some may believe, the US government does actually care about its citizens, at least when compared to other countries.

Russia, on the other hand, doesn’t care about its citizens at all. Plus it has all that nuclear stuff left over from the Soviet Union days just lying around waiting for some nerdy teenager living in Mogilev to step in it and become Spider-Man. Oh, Mogilev is in Belarus. Well, it’ll be Russia soon anyway with the way things are going over there.

Watch Pyotr Parkerov get in a little accident while racing on his scooter on the way to The Daily Bugle.

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