Just like that really grating song that WWE plays during Raw every week, “tonight is the night.” Only tonight is about WWE’s Hell in a Cell PPV event, where Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins are set to engage in what should be an awesome “co-main event” bout inside of the Hell in a Cell, with Cena vs. Orton also competing in the structure for a shot at the recently-absent WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar.
Join us here at MiddleEasy tonight for live coverage of WWE Hell in a Cell beginning at 8pm Eastern time. Don’t forget to follow me on twitter (@dvewlsh) for more updates. Here’s a rundown of the card (match order from WWE.com).
Intercontinental Championship 2/3 Falls: Cesaro vs. Dolph Ziggler(C)
Damn, what a match. Cesaro is kind of the king of 2/3 falls in WWE’s universe right now with his tremendous matches against Sami Zayn in NXT. This match saw Dolph Ziggler take the win in the second fall, making a clean sweep against Cesaro. Cesaro was cocky throughout, busting out the Big Swing in the first round only for Ziggler to turn it into a cradle for the quick pinfall. The second fall saw a ton of nearfalls and Ziggler working over his arm. Craziest spot was Ziggler doing a sattelite headscissors into a Cobra Clutch, then transitioning into a Brock Lesnar-esque “kimura.” Cesaro then, while Ziggler had the hold on him, climbed up the ropes and did a deadlift superplex on him. Insanity. They traded nearfalls before Ziggler hit the Zig Zag and the pin for the shocking clean sweep.
Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella
I mean, this was what it was. They put in a solid effort on this one, which we’ll give them credit for. There was a scary dive segment where Brie dove out onto Nikki and almost landed on her neck, but she’s okay. The finish came with Nikki hitting a Lex Luger-esque forearm followed by the Rack Attack for the win. Seriously, is Nikki secretly Lex Luger?
Tag Team Championship: The Usos vs. The Dust Brothers(C)
I’m not sure that I can be unbiased when it comes to the Usos. I just kind of dislike them. There’s nothing technically wrong with them, they are just a bit grating. So imagine how happy I am that the Dust Brothers went over them here tonight? This was a fine match, there were dives, a double superplex spot and everything else in between. Surprisingly enough there was no dive train, which is a good thing. An Uso hit a splash on Goldust only for Stardust to break the fall, then Goldust hit the Final Cut for the pinfall. Awesome.
Hell in a Cell: Randy Orton vs. John Cena
This took us by surprise for being so early on in the night. Maybe WWE really is looking to the future? This was the match that we thought it would be, which means almost endless near falls and big spots. Cena took the win just shy of 30 minutes after a second rope AA through a table. Lots of “from out of nowhere!” RKOs, though.
United States Championship: The Miz vs. Sheamus(C)
Sheamus retains in a pretty by-the-books match between the two men. Mizdow was once again the star of the show. Miz went off the top into a Brogue Kick and then started playing with Miz’s limp body after he pinned him while Mizdow mimicked what was happening. That reads creepier than it really was. It was actually pretty funny.
Big Show vs. Rusev
“America has lost again” came out of JBL’s mouth as the match ended, if that tells you anything. Pretty standard Rusev match with kick spots and Mark Henry at ringside in jeans not doing much. Big Show lost to the Accolade. Shockingly enough there was no big turn from Henry. Weird, right?
Divas Championship: Paige vs. AJ Lee(C)
AJ won via the Black Widow hold after a pretty whatever match. It’s kind of weird when the Bellas are having better matches than AJ and Paige. Paige was getting counted out when Alicia rolled her back in before she recovered, thus setting up the finish and Paige getting upset with Alicia. Maybe there is a rule about being on Total Divas and not holding the title?
Hell in a Cell: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins
This match is kind of a difficult one to really explain. It started off with a ton of energy, Ambrose having a kendo stick on his back like a sword inside of a sheath. He loaded the ring up with weapons and then climbed the Cell. Rollins pretended like he was going to go up, then sent the Stooges 2.0 up instead before following them up there to pick up the scraps. There was brawling and then Rollins went to climb down, only for Ambrose to chase him. This led to both men taking the “Shawn Michaels bump” through the tables, which was pretty nuts. Both men were being stretchered out before Ambrose broke free, dragged Rollins off of his and dragged him into the ring, the cage finally shutting.
The actual “match” was pretty short, all things considered. There were a bunch of table spots and some good nearfalls, even Kane spraying Ambrose through the cell with a fire extinguisher. They wanted us to really know how much of the deck was stacked against Ambrose, I guess. Ambrose pulled out two cinder blocks and it looked like he was going to hit Seth’s own Curb Stomp on him when the lights went out and the sound of someone repeating a phrase over and over again backwards to sound “demonic” played.
What followed next has an upside, but was done so poorly that it’s hard to be excited about it. This was to re-introduce Bray Wyatt. Both Ambrose and Rollins took some of the craziest bumps that we’ve seen in the PG Era and put a lot into this feud over the past few months. In fact, it was the only logical feud in the WWE and brought with it some of the best matches in a long time. Bray Wyatt is absolutely a guy that deserves to be inserted into the picture, but bringing the lights up a bit to show a lantern in the ring with a “ghost” hologram appearing in the smoke while Ambrose looked on felt so unbelievably stupid. Wyatt rushed Ambrose from the smoke and hit an uranage, which led to Rollins picking up the pinfall and scurrying away. Wyatt then laid Ambrose out with the Sister Abigail and WWE messed up one of the best things going for them like only they could do.
Do I look forward to Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose? Yes. Does this hurt it, though? Absolutely. (GIF via ZProphet)