When I was a kid the only thing I truly wanted to be when I grew up was Arnold Schwarzenegger. Years later, I’ve failed completely. Granted this was before I realized humans couldn’t transmute into other humans at a later point in life. Unfortunately this wasn’t taught in the American school system — although I did retain mundane agriculture knowledge like slash-and-burn farming. Yeah, that’s just another way of saying the Dallas Independent School District is essentially worthless. Going to public school in Texas taught me how to eat chicken fried steak for lunch, every day for the duration of my childhood.
Throughout all of this, I knew that if I just had the ability to transform into Arnold Schwarzenegger, I could simutaneously punch every teacher in the face and steal back all the school supplies we were required to bring on the first day of class. When I was sick, I never got a chance to use the box of tissue that I brought.
Damn, I need to see a psychiatrist about all of this stuff — decades later and I still can’t shake it. Well, at least I have this video of Arnold Schwarzenegger going undercover in a Gold’s Gym to cheer me up.