MMA Rundown

Don’t go Goldie! Here are the top five far fetched new partners for Joe Rogan

Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg: a team for the ages. A duo as powerful as Kim and Kanye, Beyonce and Jay-Z, and Joe Rogan and Onnit, may be coming to an end. Since 1997 these two have been pivotal in the growth of the UFC; commentating, interviewing, hyping, you name it they’ve done it. When the cameras start rolling we can always count on Goldberg’s opening words and a wide eyed Joe Rogan staring at him while he talks.

With change in ownership comes change throughout the organization. With the rumors stirring we have to come to the realization that we may lose the magic that is Rogan and Goldberg. However, with change can come new magic, so without further ado here are the top five (far fetched) candidates who can fill Mike Goldberg’s empty seat.

1. Arnold Schwarzenegger

A man that has worn many hats (not literally, have you seen the size of his head?) is a viable option to take the mic next to Joe Rogan. Whether Arnold’s bodybuilding, acting, or being a governor, he has proved that he can step up and take any roll. On top of his hat wearing, he has also shown interest in MMA in the past, thus making his bid for the job a little more enticing.

Lastly, Arnold is a yeller. Most of his most famous movie lines involve loud noises, body movements, and loud yelling…sounds like Joe Rogan in a nutshell. And what’s better than one Joe Rogan? Two Joe Rogans! And one with an Austrian accent. So Arnold if you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’re not, send a text the UFC’s way and get the balling rolling because “Hasta la vista, baby” would be the best knockout call.

2. Guy Fieri

Sure, how do we go from an Austrian badass to an American fatass? Simple, though he may be hated, Guy Fieri can break things down. Watch him on television once in awhile, the dude can break down the texture of a chicken wing and talk about it for 2 hours. If he learns the art and techniques of MMA, I am confident he can do some serious analysis. The downside would be getting new cameras that can deal with the brightness and reflection of his decade old haircut, but I’m sure the UFC can manage.

Oh and a side note, Fieri is one of the new celebrity investors in the UFC. You may hate him and he may be hard to look at, but who else can announce your fights while giving you a great recipe for wings as well?

3. Carlos Mencia

With beef in the octagon let’s add some beef outside of the octagon, specifically at the announcer’s table. For those unaware, Joe Rogan famously outed Carlos Mencia as a joke thief in 2007 and ultimately ruined his career for years to come. Though Mencia is making a comeback, he will never again be the comic he was in the early 2000’s. Though the beef is old, having Mencia replace Goldberg would reignite the fire.

Call me crazy but I’ve always wanted to see Rogan fight and I think this would be the perfect opportunity to make it happen. The Mind of Mencia meets the Kicks of Rogan.

4. The Thing

Coming in at number four on the Goldberg replacement list is a fictional superhero. There’s no long explanation for this one. I just think it would be a real pleasure to see Rogan and the Thing in their Sunday best announcing some fights together. Mainly because when the camera first pans in on the two, for a split second you won’t be able to tell which is Rogan and which is the Thing.

5. Uma Thurman

Ladies, this one is for you. Fellas, this one could have been for you a few years back but change not only has affected the UFC but Uma Thurman’s face as well. Though almost unrecognizable, nobody can forget Uma’s role as “The Bride” in Kill Bill. She had elegance, a dope ass outfit, and a knack for violence. Her fight scenes are often regarded as some of the best of all time, a fact that is hard to debate. Giving her a chance commentating for the UFC, mixed with a now strong female fighter roster, can really open up the door to a new generation of young female MMA fans.