There's this kid that lives in Wyoming. His real name is Paul Acito but in the underground NES gamer world, dude is known only as 'DonamerDragon'. He holds the fastest completion record for Super Mario Bros. 2. DonamerDragon finished the game in seven minutes and fifty-three seconds. Trust me, you won't understand how amazing it is until you see the video. If they ever made a Lawnmower Man 2, this DonamerDragon kid must be in the movie. Oh wait, they already made a sequel to that movie? And Molly Shannon played the role of 'baglady'? There's no reason the world shouldn't have ended at that exact moment. Civilization just sort of gave up that day in in 1996. 

The point of all this is that if Fedor knew what Nintendo was, he could ice DonamerDragon's Super Mario Bros. 2 record in less time it takes for you to not answer your phone call when your mother calls...even if Fedor's striking coach says Fedor has slowed down over the years.

"With regard to age, it certainly has an effect. To some extent, a decrease in high speed performance, but this is offset by experience."

"Now the speed, of course, is a little slower, but -- knock on wood -- continues to be enough for Fedor to win. There's a reduction in speed, but his combination of attacks have grown. And, in my opinion, to date, he remains the fastest heavyweight."

It's good to see Russians use expression like 'knock on wood' and not opt for outlandish sayings like 'knock on a grizzly bear while my brother kills it with a knife'. [Source]

Share this story!