Whatever chance humanity had of defeating Fedor has been eliminated the first day Fedor picked up an AK-47. Fedor Emelianenko with guns is a little redundant. What can bullets do that Fedor hasn’t already done with an overhand right? The worst a bullet can do is maybe end a life, Fedor has the ability to end worlds. An overhand right with enough force to puncture a hole through space and time leaving a black hole in the shape of a fist.
Fedor Emelianenko’s first film, The Salamander Key (previously known as The Fifth Execution) premiered in Moscow a few days ago, which most likely means that it will be on limited release in the US sometime this summer. Fedor Emelianenko’s character in the film just goes by ‘Fedor’ which should be enough to condense this feature film’s length down to the time it takes you to say ‘Fedor’. Regardless of what third world country you’re in, uttering ‘Fedor’ is really all you need to silence any guerrilla rebellion.
Movie is over, done. Anything else that takes place is just unnecessary.
Emelianenko also inked another deal, a film entitled ‘Karate‘ that was scheduled to be produced this year, but the project has apparently been abandoned. In the film, Fedor was slated to star alongside Andrei Arlovski and your boy, Jean-Claude Van Damme. Sometimes you forget Jean-Claude Van Damme even exists (sort of like New Hampshire). Here’s an idea for a Jean-Claude movie, make a film called ‘Fedor’ which would consists of Fedor Emelianenko just fighting mythological creatures like chimeras and minotaurs to see how long they would last in the cage with him. We don’t need a plot, we already have one: A Russian dude beating up stuff. It worked for Rocky IV.
Check out every Fedor Emelianenko action scene and backstage footage from ‘The Salamander Key’, right here.
